juan comes up to the mexican border on his bicycle. he's got two large bags over his shoulders.
the guard stops him and says, "what's in the bags?"
"sand," answered Juan.
the guard says, "we'll just see about that - get off the bike!"
the guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
he detains juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
the guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

the next day, the same thing happens. the guard asks, "what have you got?"
"sand," says Juan.
the guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.
he gives the sand back to juan, and juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
this sequence of events is repeated every day for a year.

finally, juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a cantina in mexico.
"hey, buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy.
It's all I think about..... I can't sleep.
just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
juan sips his beer and says, "bicycles."

a hippie

a hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat.
the hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
the nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.

when the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie,
"i can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
the hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every tuesday evening at midnight the nun
goes to the cemetery and prays to god.
"if you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are god and you could command her to
have sex with you."

the hippie decides this is a great idea, so that tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up.
at midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says.
"i am god! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but ... first you must have sex with me."
the nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church.
the hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.

after the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"ha! ha! ha! i'm the hippie!!"
then the nun jumps up and shouts, "ha! ha! ha! i'm the bus driver!!"